JESUS IS NOT COMING BACK - Vatican

This is the mother of all news, and if it’s a joke, then this is the biggest joke in human history. InkAmplified spotted this press release credited to the “Vatican” with the most daring report ever as can be seen below: According to waterford whispers news, A SPOKESPERSON for the Vatican has officially announced that the second coming of Jesus, the only son of God, may not happen now after all, but urged followers to still continue with their faith, regardless of the news. Cardinal Giorgio Salvadore told WWN that this year’s 1,981st anniversary is to be the Vatican’s last in regards to waiting for the Lord to return to Earth. “We just feel Jesus is not coming back by the looks of it.” he said. “It’s been ages like. He’s probably flat out doing other really good things for people somewhere else.” Nearly two thousand years ago, Jesus promised his disciples that he would come again in John 14:1-3 of the bible: “There are many homes up where my Father lives, and I am going to prepare them for your coming. When everything is ready, then I will come and get you, so that you can always be with Me where I am. If this weren’t so, I would tell you plainly” The Vatican defended Jesus’ broken promise, claiming “he was probably drinking wine” at the time when he made the comments. “Having the ability to turn water into wine had its ups and its downs.” added Cardinal Salvadore. “We all make promises we can’t keep when we’re drunk. Jesus was no different.” The church said it will now focus attentions on rebuilding its reputation around the world, but will keep an optimistic mind for the savior’s second coming. Hey people, listen and listen good, JESUS CHRIST IS COMING DO NOT MIND WHATEVER THE AGENTS OF SATAN ARE SAYING. JESUS CHRIST IS COMING.

BREAKING NEWS: EXPLOSION ROCKS ABUJA

An explosion has rocked the Nyanya motor park in Abuja. Many people are feared dead. More updates coming soon.

IS THIS WICKEDNESS, BEAUTY OR WHAT??? (Photo Of The Day)

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE SEMI-FINAL DRAWS

REAL MADRID - BAYERN MUNICH ATLETICO MADRID - CHELSEA FC Who do you think will go through ? Have your say please.

BREAKING NEWS!!!

1. U.S. President Barack Obama claims Oyo State as his home town 2. Goodluck Jonathan Defects To APC 3. Lil Wayne features Olamide and Phyno in his new single 4. Enyimba is planning to sign Lionel Messi this season 5. Beyoncé to leave Jay Z for Jim Iyke, Plans to relocate to Nigeria 6. Cristiano Ronaldo impregnates Tonto Dikeh 7. Nigeria celebrates 5yrs of uninterrupted power supply 8. Tinubu appointed new Manchester United manager, resigns from APC. 9. 28 Year Old Man Kills Himself then runs away, See Photos. Add yours and SHARE!

BARCELONA AND MANCHESTER UNITED CRASHES!!! (Photo Of The Day)

What a historical night!!!

NIGERIAN SENATOR PLAYING SCRABBLE DURING PLENARY

Just imagine! A senator playing Scrabble on his laptop while this senate is in section. What sort of creatures are in the senate for crying out loud? God, deliver Nigeria please.

Nigeria's Economy - 1st in Africa

I couldnt help but laugh when I heard that the coordinating Minister of the country, Mrs Okonjo Iweala said Nigeria as overtaken South Africa to emerge as the largest economy in Africa. "Please, where
did she get her facts from?" That was the question I asked, only to be told that we (Nigeria) conducted the survey ourselves. Hahahahaha What do you expect of a student whom the teacher asked to grade him/herself? Do you expect the student to fail him/herself? Madam Coordinating Minister, please be serious at least for once. Just me thinking out loud.

My stomach nearly burst after reading this article

My Name is XXXXX, from UNIVESITY OF XXXXXX,

I have #100,000 capital, I saved to start up my Typewriting business, because am in OTM.

My Girlfriend wanted a new BLACKBERRY Z-10, I bought her the phone because I love her SO MUCH and it cost me #98,000, now I am left with 2,000....

Yesterday she broke up with me because I was unable to subscribe for her BB plan.

I am confused.

Please what am I :

1. A good businessman.

2. A good boyfriend.

3. Idiot.

4. A man with good heart.

5. God sent.

6. One in a million.

7. Heaven sent.

8. Crazy.

9. Not stingy

10. Mumu

11. Fool

Please, leave a comment.

WHAT A CAKE

COMMERCIAL TRICYCLE OPERATOR STABS PASSENGER TO DEATH

Workers of the Bayelsa State Ministry of Education were thrown into mourning and apprehension following the reported stabbing to death of a 28-year old fellow staff member.

A commercial tricycle driver, popularly known in local parlance as ‘Keke NAPEP’, stabbed Mr. Twanton Wek to death.

The death of the civil servant was sparked by an argument over a fare within the Gbarantoru area of the Yenagoa Local Government Area in Bayelsa.

I HAVE SEX WITH 10 MEN DAILY

A 19-year-old girl (names withheld) Thursday narrated before a Federal High Court in Lagos how she was lured into prostitution in Burkina Faso.

She was working as a sales girl in Victoria Island before two middle-aged men told her they could help her find a better job abroad.

The men, Christian Awanebi and Ariwayo Olowede, who pleaded not guilty, allegedly took her to Burkina Faso sometime in 2011.

Led in evidence by Mrs Anthonia Mgbemeje of the National Agency for Prohibition of Trafficking in Persons (NAPTIP), the girl said the men promised to help her get a job in a super store as a sales girl.

When she got to Burkina Faso, she was allegedly made to have sex with men so she could repay N200, 000, the men claimed to have spent on her travel expenses.

According to her, she had sex with over 10 men daily, charging an equivalent of N5,000 per person.

She said the men allegedly made her take a blood covenant, swearing not to tell anyone about her ordeal.

Mgbemeje said the accused persons committed the alleged offence sometime in November 2012 at Ilasan estate, Lekki, Lagos.

She said that the offence contravened section 15 (a) of NAPTIP Act 2003.

The accused persons used were arraigned March 27, last year.

Their lawyer, Mr Mac Johnson asked the court to adjourn the case for cross-examination of the girl.

Justice Saliu Saidu adjourned till April 10 for continuation of trial.

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